Matthew 18:21-22
Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.”

Key Themes: Forgiveness, Healing, Offence, Grace, Repentance, and Humility 

Should I stop forgiving if they won’t change? How many times? Why do I have to forgive and change if they won’t and aren’t affected? When is enough enough?

What does the word forgiveness make you feel? Do you want to scoff and roll your eyes? Do you tense up at the thought of forgiving someone you haven’t, or are you the offender and asking to be forgiven?

To me, forgiveness was something I’d be willing to do with ease, and unfortunately, that made me easily taken advantage of. If you forgive easily, you’re a doormat and a people pleaser; on the other hand, if you aren’t as forgiving and are viewed as selfish, stubborn, and “not the bigger person.” Struggling with forgiveness is common, and you’re not a bad person or Christian for feeling this way. It’s even harder when these people are in your everyday environment, and with or without boundaries set in place, they remain unchanging, which sometimes can feel hard to love.

Here in Matthew 18:21-22. Jesus instructs Peter to forgive a limitless number of times, regardless of the number of offenses. We are to be driven by love and forgiveness even when it’s not reciprocated. We shouldn’t keep score of the offenses because forgiveness isn’t transactional; it’s continual. God models his unchanging character and the relationship God has with us through Jesus’s sacrificial nature. It’s not based on how he feels, the weather, our offerings, our deeds, or what we deserve.

Remember, just because you have something or are already good at it doesn’t mean there aren’t times when it won’t be tested and have to be practiced. So don’t think this doesn’t apply to you. Forgiveness, just like most qualities, has to be exercised constantly. The acts of forgiveness are within the process of healing. So no one has perfect forgiveness unless you’re Jesus. Wanting vengeance, sitting in unforgiveness, and unrepentance aren’t serving you or others. It’s natural to feel disheartened when dealing with individuals who seem resistant to change. Even though it may not be easy, it’s time to acknowledge the change in you that has to take place. The word of God is the catalyst of change by faith. We have to understand that God is in control. He is always working on our behalf for the good of those who love him, and even working on behalf of the offender. Even though you may not like them, Jesus still loves you and them. You’re both made in his image. God loves us so much that sometimes He, too, has to hold his wrath from us because He knows his power yet still shows us mercy and grace when we aren’t deserving of it (Isaiah 48:9). This is God’s nature: a forgiving, merciful, graceful, and loving God. (Micah 7:18-19). Thank you, Lord! 

It’s a difficult concept of limitless forgiveness if our emotions and the offense, along with the offender, are still apparent in our lives. We also have to remember that Jesus faced ultimate betrayal, rejection, ostracization, and ridicule from the people in his corner, and he overcame the world. Forgive even when they don’t deserve it, then your father in heaven will forgive you (Matthew 6:14-15). It teaches us to do to others what we want done to us. Forgiveness is an act of humility, a reflection of the grace we desire to receive ourselves. It acknowledges our imperfections and the ways we, too, may have hurt others and sometimes unknowingly continue to do so. Yet God still forgives them and us, too. He knows they hurt you and the ones you hurt, too. His ways and thoughts are higher than our ways and thoughts, so he sees the conversations behind our backs, their deeds, past, present, and future. Your forgiveness is not only for their behalf, but it’s essential for the work Jesus has done and will do in you. Recognize that your willingness to forgive is not an endorsement of their behavior or an invitation for them to continue to hurt you. Instead, it’s a conscious choice for your healing and a closer relationship with God. Holding on to hurt, pain, and resentment, allowing the malice and bitterness to live in your heart and soul, where it has no home. Don’t let it get cozy and harden your heart. Causing your eyes and ears to form callouses because of the built-up hurt you allowed to form, and the pride that deceived you into thinking that what you’re doing is right. This will only lead you to point fingers and get nowhere. If you only forgave and gave it to Jesus, surrendering control because we both know He knows you can’t handle this without him, and it’s hurting you, changing you inside and out, becoming apparent in your features. The hurt you carry. The pride you have in thinking you can do it all, and you don’t need Jesus. Forgiveness is not about condoning wrong behavior or dismissing the pain caused by others. It’s about releasing ourselves from the heavy burdens we carry. When we forgive, we not only free the ones who have offended us; we liberate ourselves from the chains of resentment, anger, and bitterness. Release the burden and resentment, acknowledge and accept that you will become better for yourself and others, even if others don’t change. You are responsible for yourself. You are worthy of peace, and your healing transforms not only your life but also those around you. May you rest assured that the Lord is working on your behalf! (Romans 12:19)

Ask yourself what’s holding you back from forgiveness. Is it your pride? Is it the person and the offense they committed? 

Forgiveness exercise

This forgiveness exercise propelled my faith journey, starting as a newborn Christian after accepting Jesus to be the center of my life. It is one of the reasons through Jesus that I acknowledge our past and the people in it have no hold over us, if we surrender to God, he is in control, nurturing and healing, and refining us in it all! This practice has to be practiced. Some days an offense happens, and we get a bit triggered, but can easily forgive; other days an offense occurs or the same one, and it’s difficult. Acknowledge what you are feeling, show yourself grace, do this exercise, and give it to God. In a private, quiet room, out loud, or writing down, say/write everyone who hurt you and acknowledge what they did and that you forgive them.

“I forgive (name) for (offense), I surrender this person and situation to you, Lord.”

“Heal me, Lord, bind up my wounds and create in me a clean heart of flesh and not of stone
and a renewed steadfast spirit”(Psalm 147:3, Psalm 51:10, Ezekiel 36:26)

“Allow me to be loving and forgiving towards others and myself by setting healthy
boundaries with those around me.” 

Let us pray

Thank you, God, for your salvation and the privilege of the redemption found in you. Thank you for your mercy, grace, and forgiveness. Thank you for your constant and consistent nature. Your word and promises are unchanging, faithful, and never broken, unlike the things of the world. Please forgive us for holding on to hurt and resentment, allowing our hearts to become bitter without bringing it to you first. Help us acknowledge our feelings, but don’t allow us to sit in it alone. Let us give it to you because you know best and guide us on how to move forward. The strength to move forward and to forgive ourselves and others. Help us to set healthy boundaries and form healthy relationships that honor you. Not forgiveness, what others think of as turning a blind eye and enabling wrongdoings, but forgiveness, grace, love (even if it requires distance), and correction. Help us to not have partial forgiveness and repentance of apologizing, but complete forgiveness and repentance in all that we do. Help us not only have transactional forgiveness but continual forgiveness. Teach us to model the character of Jesus as we are made in your image and help us put Matthew 18:21-22 into practice in our daily lives. In Jesus’ mighty name, we pray, amen!

Reflection 

1. How can you become a better person through forgiveness?

2. How can practicing repentance and forgiveness help you avoid building walls in future relationships and encourage greater trust?

3. Will it help you be more transparent and improve listening in your relationships?

4. What can you do to change the habit of apologizing and model complete forgiveness and repentance in your relationship with God?

Supporting verses about forgiveness and offense

➔ Ephesians 4:32: “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as
In Christ, God forgave you”.

➔ Colossians 3:13: Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a
grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”

➔ Luke 17:3-4: “If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent,
forgive them. Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come
back to you saying ‘I repent,’ you must forgive them.”